Keep running up that hill

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:44:01 GMT

It's kind of hard to believe that we are sitting exactly 13 days away from 2010. Work has continued to put the stress on me, especially seeing that there isn't a whole lot of time left until Christmas, so of course, you have those idiots that are waiting until the last fucking minute to shop. We open at 6am tomorrow, so I think I'm just gonna take a nap behind the cash wrap for a few hours. The way things have been going with us opening early, that honestly feels like the most productive thing to do at this point. Why did I agree to open? Oh yeah, because I get out at 3:30 tomorrow, that's why. I still have so many things I feel like I need to get done, and I'm getting nowhere with them. I just need some time to myself to be able to get my own stuff done. I think if and when that happens, it would be great. Ohayocon can't come soon enough. A weekend to relax and splurge. I've been thinking long and hard about some of the things I should probably attempt to get done in 2010. I feel that some of my time management just hasn't been the best, and maybe by making this list and striving to get it done will help me.

Resolutions for 2010!

-Finish paying off my car! I have a full time job, and I'm making very good money. I owe 2100 on this thing, and I know with most of my tax refund, I can do this. I'm also expecting some sort of settlement from the car accident I was in back in July, so a chunk of that will help get a lot of that sorted out.
-Pay off my credit card. Because I was not able to find a job for 6 months after getting out of school, I ended up having to resort to using that damn card to keep myself afloat. Of course I managed to smack close to a 5000 dollar balance on that one. Fortunately I've been able to keep up with all of my payments so far, and as long as I do that, I should be able to get a lot of that paid off in 2010 as well.
-Continue paying off my college loans. I know I'm going to be in this boat for a few years at the very least, but as long as I throw any extra that I can afford onto it every month, I shouldn't have to worry too much about it.
-Stop buying video games! Wait, what? I've learned that I have one of the worst habits in the world. I buy games, never find the time to play them, and then they sit. People ask me about a game I have. "Oh, I have it, but I've never played it." I need to finish the ones I have here first, and then I can buy new ones. But Bayonetta, Darksiders, and Final Fantasy XIII don't count.
-Revamp my Ebay business. Things went downhill this year with the economy being in the shitter. My sales failed pretty badly, and I just kind of stopped updating the store, even though my bag of cards is near to bursting. Why not pull in some money on some cards I don't use?
-Learn to let go. I'm seeing myself gaining some of the habits of my mother, that I really don't want to get. I tend to hang onto a lot of things without throwing them away. I need to start to minimize, which will allow me to maximize the tiny living space I am currently confined to, which actually brings me to my next potential goal.
-If money goes well enough for me and enough of my things get paid off here in the next few months, I'd like to move out of my house. I want to get my own place, and be able to have my own space. I'm getting so stressed out by living at home, that I think moving out will be the thing to calm me down.
-Become a store manager. I know that this is possible. I feel that I've been working very hard so far to slowly step in this direction. I replaced an assistant manager at a store, and I've been commented on how much of a hard worker I am. Even though I am feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work I sometimes do, I'm thinking that eventually it will pay off for me.
-I would insert another goal about how I need to lose weight, and then realize that I won't do it. Stephen and I have talked about going biking together when the weather gets nice, so I'm hoping that we'll be able to do it. If he can't always go with me, I might start doing it on my days off work. Go early in the morning or something along those lines.

So there you have it. My list for 2010.I think most of this is doable. I really just need to manage my time well, and I can pull this off.

Gotta be up at 4:30 am. That's gonna be fun.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:43:10 GMT

I'm beginning to feel like I am losing any time I had left for my hobbies. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job, but not being given the chance to request any time off ahead of time because I keep getting moved is really hard. 3 stores since I started, and then I was supposed to move pretty close to my house, and a termination caused me to be moved to another store at the last minute. Having no time for Pokemon is almost pulling my interest away from the hobby. I want to be able to brainstorm and come up with deck ideas and get new decks built, and then be able to playtest them for some of the larger tournaments because I really wanted the chance to do well. I was given the chance to only play in two battle roads, and I did well in one of them, to make up for my joke deck the week before. And for cities, I've played in one so far, and had to miss both of them this weekend because I had to work during them. I miss one next Saturday, and there isn't one next Sunday nearby. And then there are three of them I want to go to after the holidays, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get three Sundays off in a row. Then Ohayocon at the end of January. I've been planning that for quite a while as well. It's times like that, that I wish I'd get promoted sooner to get my Sundays off, but then I know it's going to be damn near impossible to get a Saturday off as a manager. Then there's the two Saturdays in a row for states, and then one in April for regionals.

I just need some time for myself, and I feel like I'm not getting any of that. On my days off, my mother fucking drags me around everywhere, because she can't seem to do anything by herself. So from the time she gets home at 3:45 until close to 8:00, I get dragged around to the store for her to buy more things she doesn't need. I have been wanting to clean my room here for the past two months, and I never seem to be able to take that whole day to clean.

Just some time for myself would be nice. But alas, it probably won't happen any time soon.

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 05:53:24 GMT

I finally get to enjoy a whole weekend off work. I dunno how I managed to score a Saturday AND a Sunday off right in a row, but hey, no complaints here! My bed looks mighty nice right now. Chiropractor in the morning, and then some running around to do. Looks like I'm going to be coming back to Canton for work a whole lot faster than I expected. I'm actually moving right to the store that is less than 2 miles from my house! I liked New Philly a lot. The 32 mile drive, not so much. But I was starting to get used to the normal customers, and meeting some pretty cool people down there. I was supposed to be at that store until the holiday season was over, but I guess they hired in another assistant manager, who would have been going up to the store by my house, but lived in Philly. So the smart thing to do was to swap us. I'll love to be able to leave 15 minutes before I start! Gonna miss my boss though. He's the one I started under and transferred to the new store with him. But I do know my new manager because I went to high school with him, so it shouldn't be too bad.

I need bed now!

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 03:20:50 GMT

Certainly been keeping myself very busy here lately. Having a full time job certainly eats up most, if not all of the free time you have. My main training for work is finally coming to a close, and I'm starting to work little bits by myself without another manager in the store. Last week I worked all closing shifts, and two of them were by myself from 7:30 to close. This week, my manager gave me all opening shifts, and I'm opening in the morning by myself for the first time. He's opened with me the last two days, but I get in around 5-7 minutes before him and get everything started for the day. 02 and 909 counts (used and new systems) and perpetual counts (high demand titles) take up a good 30 minutes of opening, and then going to the bank and getting everything else done. You really don't have much time to lounge in the morning, that's for sure. I'm completing my final week at the Massillon store, and my first official day at the New Philly store is on Monday. The store's not open yet, but we are going down to get things set up to shoot for a Thursday grand opening. I'm excited about going down to the new store, even though the drive is going to be a bit longer for me.

There are more hours available at this new store as well, so I'll be guaranteed the 40 hours a week that I want, and my shifts should start to normalize a little more too. Since I've been going through training, my times are a bit odd since I have to be there with another manager. I've been getting around 30-32 hours a week since I started, so the extra hours and money will be nice. Picked up a shift on Thursday, my other day off for the week, since my manager will be training the holiday game advisors at the new store. Extra money, and I still get to go to league on Thursday.

I really enjoy this job so far, and the way things are going, it's sounding like I am very much on the fast track to getting my own store. My DM was talking to my manager about me having my own store by February, which seems really surreal to me. It's like, I just started in the company, and there's a lot of pressure as an assistant manager, especially seeing that I have never held a position like that before. And then being told that within 5 months, I'm going to be a store manager? I'll admit, I'm honestly a little frightened right now, but feel as I get more comfortable with my job that I'll be able to handle it. I was invited to the district/regional managers meeting next month by my DM. I'm one of three assistant managers that were invited.

Things seem to be coming together so fast for me, and I'm not used to it. I have a fantastic job that I love, I'm making good money, things between Stephen and I couldn't be stronger. Now, if only I could manage to get my fat ass in shape, things would be perfect. Sad thing, is there is just no room in this damn house for me to set up DDR, or buy and play Wii Fit. My room is too small, this house is too cluttered. I've really been working hard on trying to eat better overall. I think since I started my job, I've bought food for lunch twice. I tend to pack my lunches, which always have baby carrots with some ranch for dipping, a deli sandwich, string cheese, and a small serving of chips or something. I either drink water or low calorie Gatorade at work. I always eat breakfast when I have to work in the morning, yet my metabolism still fails. The sooner I can afford an apartment, the sooner I'll be able to be more in control of my food and exercise routines. Makes me wish that I would have done more when I was in Athens. I was never fantastic at managing time, and World of Warcraft took up a hell of a lot of my dorm time, when I could have been out biking or doing something else. The game's been frustrating me as of late, and I've decided to let my account expire for the time being. I think a break from the game is just what I needed,

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:25:54 GMT

Losing a pet never gets any easier in adulthood, that's for sure. We had Jingles for close to 14 years. She wasn't necessarily a smart dog, but she was a fiercely loyal dog. No matter where you were in the house, she'd be right there behind you. Hell, half the time you'd trip over her because she'd be so close to you. It seems surreal coming home and not having her at the door, tail wagging to greet you. The other dogs know she is gone too, but they still look for her when we let them outside. She was such a good dog, and it really hurts to know that she is no longer with us.

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 05:57:07 GMT

Is it sad that I'm pretty excited to start being able to get some of my bills paid off? In two weeks, once I get my first full paycheck (not the crappy 1 week check I'm getting this week) I'll be able to actually put some dough onto my credit card and car payment. No more sapping the credit card to buy things. If I have the money, I buy it. If I don't, the credit card stays in my wallet. I managed to throw that card up to 4k in 6 months. That's a pretty fat number, but at the same time, no job and income at all, and spending around 2500 total in the last 6 months doesn't seem so bad. But it was money I didn't have. My first loan payment is October 28th. So roughly 215.00 of my income every month is going for that now. I'm gonna at least try to reopen my savings account again as well. I'd like to have a buffer that I can access when needed, and something to save funds into. I'm eager to see my financial future finally beginning to take shape. I will now be back in control.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 18:48:35 GMT

What a busy week for me. Just starting to get used to this whole having a job thing, and let me tell you, it's not easy, at least not yet.

Monday afternoon I worked for a little while and helped get the store set up for the Halo ODST midnight release. I was off for a few hours, and then I had to be back to help run the release, and get an idea as to how one should go.

Tuesday was my real first whole day. Lots of learning the ropes, and getting used to working the registers and dealing with a whole new group of customers.

I'm off today, but wasn't feeling very well after work yesterday, so I've been lying around trying to make myself feel better. My manager's been battling a cold, and I think I picked it up off him. I had a fever last night and I have a stuffy nose and sore throat now, but I'm hoping it will go away as the day goes on.

I like my job so far. I'm getting paid well, and I like the people I work with. My management team is pretty awesome so far, and I feel very welcomed into the company. My district manager got me a card to welcome me in, which was pretty awesome.

Sadly, I'm only going to be at this store for another three weeks, and then I'm getting transferred out to the brand new New Philadelphia store. I'm excited about getting to open a new store, but that adds quite a bit of time to my commute, which kinda sucks. But, from what I'm hearing, the company has me on the fast track to management, meaning they want to bump me up as fast as they can. I'm excited about it, but at the same time, I'm a bit nervous about it. I've never had a management position before, and I want to be able to understand as many of the things in the company that I can. Retail is what I know and what I'm comfortable with, but I've already been told to pretty much sign my life away for the holiday season. No shockers there. But right now, a job is really the most important thing for me. Getting my 90 day period in, getting my benefits started, and getting that ready so I can earn paid time off and vacation time and whatnot.

I've already bought a PSP since I started. Figures my gaming weakness is further fueled by my job. It's like "Hey. I'm a gaming console. I'm going to stare you in the face until you buy me. And there is nothing that you can do about it."

Hopefully I won't have any issues with balancing that out. I gots da bills now, and my loans start coming due in a couple weeks.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 20:21:19 GMT

Finally. After 6 months of searching, I finally got a job! And a management position at that! I start on Monday, and I can safely say I'm super stoked about this!

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:41:41 GMT

It's a new month. Something's gotta break soon.

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 05:59:45 GMT

Perhaps I feel that there are so many things I could have done in the last couple of months. Or perhaps I'm trying hard enough, but the spoils haven't found me yet. Maybe staying in Canton is the thing that is keeping me from getting where I want. I still don't have a job despite the fact that I have sent out close to 100 applications and had around 10 interviews. Because of my fucking degree, they are afraid I'm going to quit my job to go back to school. And go figure, I can't get a job because, oh, now I'm too qualified. What the hell? We are in the 5th month of searching now, and I can't find anything.

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:35:33 GMT

Tue, 26 May 2009 05:39:06 GMT

It's been well over two months since I've even bothered to update this thing. And I sometimes wonder what the point is anymore. Ever since I've come home from school, it's been a plague of filling out job applications and resumes, getting calls and having interviews, then getting calls back to learn that I just wasn't good enough to make the cut. I kind of wish that I would have made my emergency post college fund a little bit bigger, because after next month, the money is going to be completely gone. I've been trying to keep my car payment, insurance, and cell phone up, along with my credit card that I'm being forced to use since I don't have the cash for anything. Ebay is pretty much failure city right now, due to this shitty economy that we have. My sales are some of the lowest they have been in a while, but I'm determined to keep up with it, and not give up. I know sooner or later things are going to pick back up, and my sales will be just like they always were.

Having my hobbies and my boyfriend are really the only two things keeping me sane at the moment. But the sad thing is, I still feel so lethargic about everything. I'm always tired because I have no means of really getting out anywhere since I'm broke. At least when I was at school, I was still getting a paycheck every two weeks to be able to keep up with my bills. I was also able to control what I ate. Being at home, I'm at the mercy of my mother and whatever she wants to get for food. And it seems that almost every night, we go out to eat. And nine times out of ten, it's some shitty ass fast food. But trying to convince her that this is not the best food choice for diabetics is hard. Having to control my own blood sugar makes me keep track of what I am eating a whole lot more. But every night it's the same thing. Hometown Buffet, McDonald's, Burger King, Sonic, Swensons, Friendly's, Friday's, Steak and Shake, Eadie's, Philly Connection. Some of the worst damn choices of restaurants, but because we have no real food in the house, we can't cook anything.

We just got a new grill today, so I'm hoping that will deter her from wanting to go out to eat all the time. It will at least give us the chance to be able to control what the hell we are eating a little bit more.

Also, the lack of organization in this house drives me insane. When I moved back, Stephen and I went through and cleaned out the garage and the carport area. Just to give us some room. It was a shock to see just how much shit that we got rid of. But then, we realized that we have the rest of the house to go to even get into a position of organization. The kitchen is a mess, and we can't even use the table anymore because there is so much stuff on it. The piles of books and magazines in our living room is insane. The attic is a mess because there is a mix of so much stuff that we really didn't need to save up there. And our computer room barely has enough room to walk in. Boxes and boxes of stuff towering in the room. The basement is the worst by far. My mother, being the packrat that she is, has managed to collect hundreds and hundreds of products that have never been used. Shampoo, conditioner, rubber gloves by the thousands, and a myriad of other things. Because we haven't been able to get to the food storage area of the basement, we've had cans of angry pineapple actually burst out of the cans. Cans of soup that expired in 1994, boxes of cereal from 1999. Stuff that very obviously needs to be thrown away, but has been neglected and ignored. It's not like I'm living in a house filled with filth. It's just terribly unorganized and there is so much stuff in the damn house, that it's hard to move around and remember where things are.

My mother said she wants to start getting rid of stuff, but she's been saying this for the past two months since I came home, and nothing has happened.

My job hunt is still going on. I'm really hoping to find something soon. I can't deal with being unemployed for much longer.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 04:35:13 GMT

Keeping up with this silly journal has been the last thing on my mind in the last few weeks. Realizing at this point that I'm now unemployed...and it's killing me. Mind you it hasn't even been a week at this point. I've been actively applying for jobs and so far, had no luck. Somehow I feel like I'm asking for a mountain here by wanting my weekends off work. I don't feel it's too much to ask, especially seeing how long I worked in retail and always got fucked over by my weekends. I want to still be able to judge and play Pokemon with my friends, so I need that time off to be able to concentrate and keep my sanity. I really don't want to be stuck making minimum wage either, but at this point, I may not have a choice. Every place around here is looking for someone who has multiple years of experience. I have experience in a few things, but none of it is what most of these places are looking for. Fortunately I have a little but of money put aside to at least last me for the next month. But it's not going to be there forever. Ugh.

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:57:10 GMT

Hooray for never having money. I swear, trying to support myself off the meager income I'm making at school is starting to break me. Who just got paid on Friday and now has 24.00 left to her name until next payday because she had to make a car payment and buy groceries? Yeah, it's getting to the point where I can't afford anything anymore.

I just wish my Ebay sales would speed up a little bit. I never realized how much I missed that extra 500 bucks a month until now.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 06:08:49 GMT

2009 has finally started, and it's probably time for me to take a look and reflect back through some of the things that happened to me (both good and bad) throughout the duration of the year. There have been a lot of bad things that have happened, and there are times I think that more of the bad things overshadow the good things that happened to me during the year. I got a "new" car in January, and it's one that's actually lasted for me so far. But I've had bad things happen to a good car. Between the muffler falling off and jamming a hole in my rear bumper, and the windshield getting cracked by a rock from a semi truck, I've just had bad luck with the car. Anything nice I get ends up being that way. However, the car has been reliable for me, so I shouldn't complain.

Not graduating in 2008. I was supposed to, and then things happened, that ended up costing me another 14,000 dollars to add to my loan costs. SO now I'm going to get out of school with over 35,000 in loans.

Jobs. 2008 was the year of strange job happenings. Between almost losing my job as an RA for doing something that had nothing to do with being an RA, to getting fired from Hot Topic over something so insanely stupid, 2008 was not my year for jobs. HT was giving me shit for hours, and I knew the blankets would at least give me some money for the holidays. And damn was I right. Glad to see that someone there trusted me enough to start an investigation on me. Fuckers. To see that I was worth only 20 bucks to that company. That's just sad.

I've had terrible luck with pretty much everything in my life. This has been one of the worst years in my life as far as things with money and whatnot goes.I'm beginning to think that things are just going to keep getting worse before they get better.

I'm hoping that maybe this year will go better for me, but at the rate things went for me in 2008, they probably will be just as bad for me. Do I want to start a list of goals? It seems I always forget about them within a couple of weeks, and then they just become pieces of news I type and have no intention of following. I'm going to make a list of things to do just for the hell of it, and see just how far I get with the list.

-The terribly obvious "I need to lose weight" goal. I say this every year, and I never follow through with it. I end up losing a few pounds, and then end up gaining all of it back within a few weeks. I'd love to be able to lose 40 pounds this year. At least a number like that seems easier to reach than other numbers. But when do I start? Do I work with the goal of one of the forums that I'm on and work towards playing 100 hours of DDR before I graduate? I could do something like that, but will I actually stick with it? Something will probably come up and I will fuck it up.

-Getting my car paid off. I'm almost down to 3000 on my car exactly. I want to get it paid off this year. I need to be able to make enough money to be able to do it. But that goes right with my next couple of goals.

-Get my credit card paid off. I started to use my card only because I needed to pick up a few things that were direly important to me, and cost me money that I didn't have. I ended up spending just over a grand on the card, and I need to try and get that paid off as fast as I can.

-Jobs. I graduate in three months. The question is, will the job market be good enough for me to actually be able to have something and be able to remain involved in the hobbies that I enjoy? Having my weekends off would be great, but I know not a lot of jobs do that though.

WHat else is there? If I make the list too long, I'm not going to follow it.

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 01:22:54 GMT

I quit.

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:29:25 GMT

It will be so nice when I'm able to see again. Not being able to see with these old ass contacts is really starting to get the best of me. I'm hoping that they are in when I come home for break. I don't want to keep waiting around for them to come in. For as much as I spent on them, you'd think they'd be just a little more timely. It's kind of funny how every time I start to get myself out of debt, some fucking expense comes up and smacks me in the back of the head. I'm trying so hard to get a savings account built up, and things like this happen. It's damn frustrating, because I really don't know how I'm going to get things paid off. Hell, I don't even know what I want to do as far as a job goes when I graduate. The time before I get out of here is moving ever closer, and I feel like it needs to slow down so I can have some time to think.

Writer's Block: Ten for the Tenth

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 00:18:20 GMT

Some people spend their whole lives preparing the answer to this question: What albums are on your personal all-time Top 10 list?

View 501 Answers

This is one of those that I really have to think about. I don't have an order for them, as I could never be that picky with my music:

1. Silent Shout-The Knife
2. Boards Of Canada-Music Has the Right to Children
3. Elliott-Song in the Air
4. The Faint-Danse Macabre
5. Kill Hannah-For Never and Ever
6. Home Video-No Certain Night or Morning
7. Yuzo Koshiro-Shinobi 3 OST
8. Coheed and Cambria-In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3
9. Of Montreal-Hissing Fauna, You are the Destroyer
10. Pink Floyd-Dark Side of the Moon

If I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 04:47:24 GMT

I've concluded that I'm just doomed to have bad luck for the rest of my goddamned life. I was thinking that things were going well for me until the weekend hit. I got out of class Wednesday afternoon really early, so I wanted to surprise Stephen by meeting him at the Arby's in Green for league. I back into a parking spot so I see when he pulls in. My muffler looks like it's been slowly lowering, but it's been fine since I bought the car. Apparently, as I'm backing up, the tip of the muffler hits the curb, and the muffler falls straight off. I didn't hear it, but I go to pull forward a little bit, and hear a scrape. I wait to get out of the car until Stephen shows up to see the damage, and see what I'll have to do to get home. My muffler somehow managed to do a vertical twist, and the muffler pipe rammed itself into the back of my bumper, and made a nice hole in it, causing an easy 300 dollars worth of damage to the body of my car. The muffler rusted clean off. So I get an appointment scheduled at Meineke and get a new muffler, which costs me 150.00 of money I DON'T have. Fantastic start to the weekend.

I get my eyes examined on Thursday because I'm desperate for new contacts. I can't see very well, because I knew my eyes were getting worse. I was right. My vision has gotten so bad, that the vendors don't typically carry the prescription I wear. I have to now get both of my lenses custom made. When I got them last year, I paid 128 for my toric lens, and 60 for the other lens. Well, my new toric has skyrocketed to 207 dollars for ONE lens, and the other one is up to 130. Yes, I now pay over 300 dollars for a single pair of contact lenses. I needed glasses really badly too. Anyone who sees the ones I wear now, would laugh. The lenses are super thick, and have not been replaced since before 2003. My frames are falling apart. I haven't had the money to replace them, so I finally got a new pair. -1700 in one eye, and -1400 in the other. My vision sucks. A LOT. I managed to get a discount with AAA on the glasses, so I got those for 150. Overall, I dropped 460+ on a new pair of contacts and glasses.

It's like, when I think I'm finally starting to get ahead, things get worse. Oh yeah, and they closed my Chase checking account also, because my balance was at 0 for too long. I use my checking to put money in my savings account, so I've been keeping the account active. But I like the fact that they didn't tell me this. And of course, I can't get a new account opened until I come home for winter break. Fuck.

Are things going to start improving sometime soon? My luck fails. I didn't even want to use the credit card I ended up using, but I'm desperate to be able to see again, and the card is for emergencies. Both my car, and contacts were truly emergencies that needed tending. Maybe it will just be safer for me to sit in a corner for a while and not come out. Bad things can't happen if you aren't doing anything, right?

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 06:44:56 GMT

I think it's safe to now say that I hate not having health insurance. I want to get new contact lenses, and the last time I bought them, I shelled out nearly 200 bucks for the contacts alone. I could use glasses too, as the pair I have is well over 10 years old, and the frames are starting to give out, not to mention the lenses are 6 years old and way out of date. I called around to places in Athens today, just to see if I could get something cheap. 150 is the cheapest in this poor ass town. That's insane, and it gets higher if you're being fit for a Toric lens. And of course, having the shitty vision that I do, I wear a Toric in one eye. I just didn't want to have to keep waiting until I go home in a couple weeks and get them ordered. Fortunately, my eye doctor at home knows my financial situation, and does my eye exams for free, but I'm still looking at almost 200 for one pair of lenses. It's insane, but my contacts have slowly been getting blurrier over the last couple of weeks.

Buying an enzyme kit tomorrow and seeing if that will make them a little more tolerable for the next couple of weeks. I'd love to be able to see clearly again. If I still had health insurance, I'd only have to pay 20 percent of that 200 bucks. Then I'd be able to afford the glasses. But at this point, I can barely afford the contact lenses.

I just want to get Lasik done. But that's another thing i don't have the money for. Because the procedure would take longer because of my vision, it would cost more. The cost is based on just how bad your vision is. And after my surgery, my vision got worse. Everything got worse. I can't focus clearly on things. Straight lines aren't straight to me. My distance vision is gone, which sucks when someone is waving at me from a distance and I can't even see who the fuck it is. My night vision has to be the worst though. I used to have really good night vision. But now, seeing street signs at night is nearly impossible. I just wish I had that back. It's what I miss the most. I'm too young to not be able to see in the dark properly. Hell, I'm too young to have already had a retinal detachment in both eyes. My doctor even said that to me the first time I came in for surgery. And when I came back the second time, he said I was a freak of nature, and no one should have that happen to them twice.

It's one of those luck things I guess. If I didn't have bad luck, then I wouldn't have any luck at all. Overall, Stephen is really the only good thing that has happened to me recently. I have bad luck with cars, school, work, hobbies, my weight, and just about every other thing you can think of. I find out I need 18 credits to graduate, rather than 12. Awesome, so taking 12 credits this quarter was a fucking dumb idea, but no one told me there was anything wrong on my DARS. Ugh. Wednesdays are going to kick my ass next quarter, because I have 4 classes that day.

I'm going to bed before I depress myself even more.

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:05:58 GMT

It would be so much better if he were here with me right now. How just being away from each other can make you miss someone.

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 05:13:28 GMT

Why does time always become the enemy for me on a weekend when we're together? It seemed like he had just gotten into town, and then, the next thing I know.....Sunday was knocking at my door. We stuck around here for the most part, and went to Parkersburg on Saturday, just as a change of pace. We ended up getting lost on the way to the mall, because it's been at least 4 years since I've been there last time. After randomly driving around, we finally found it. We ended up getting dinner at Red Lobster, since Shrimpfest is going on, and I was really in the mood for some seafood. Stephen bought me a puzzle for Sweetest Day. I have a fire dragon puzzle at home that I did years ago, and I've been looking for the matching ice dragon one. The mall happened to have it, so he picked it up for me.

Also, after waiting for nearly a damn month, my promise ring finally came in the mail. Stephen and I each bought each other a ring to signify our relationship. We aren't ready to get engaged or anything yet, which seems to be the trend amongst almost everyone we know. We've been together for a Year and almost 4 months...to us, that's not long enough for the two of us to take it to the next stage. I've just seen way too many of my friends getting married and engaged lately, and I think it's not the smartest idea. They aren't in relationships that long to truly get to know the person they are with. To me, you have to really know who you're with. I feel I know Stephen very well, but I still want more time with him. We feel it's going to benefit the relationship more in the future anyhow.

I've been trying to get myself in better shape. DDR has really been helping me out. I'm playing it at least every other day for an hour, and sometimes every day. Depends really on the amount of time I have with classes and whatnot. I have a test in Psych on Wednesday over 4 chapters of material. Unfortunately, I haven't been to the last three classes, so I have to go through and get everything I need out of the book for me to prepare for it. I'm gonna try and spend a nice chunk of the day on Tuesday getting ready for it. It seems like the tests are a bit easier after the first one, and now he's giving us what exactly we need to know for the test. So as long as I go to class tomorrow, I'll be okay. I'm getting worried about my Tier 3 class though. I don't normally go to the class because the material covered is pretty much common sense. We have a group project that we need to get done, and apparently, none of us really go to the class. Well, we emailed around and were supposed to have a group meeting on Weds, since class was canceled. Oh yeah, only one other girl in my group showed up. Our presentation is worth a giant chunk of our grade, and the thing has to be an hour long. We need to have some sort of preparation for it, but no one seems to be doing anything.

Week seven of the quarter. Finally. I wish these last couple weeks would fly. I just want to go home for Winter Break. So I can work, make money, and be with Stephen. It's too hard for the two of us to be apart.

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:46:40 GMT

Can someone explain to me how being frugal with money means driving a Honda? I just got done reading an article on the economy, and how Americans are starting to save money more and spend less. One of the things they mentioned was about a man who "shops with coupons, drives a Honda, and saves money." This is not the first time I've seen Hondas used as the car example for frugality. I just don't get it. Hondas aren't cheap cars at all. They are one of the few cars that keep their value and don't depreciate over the years like most other cars do. They make people who buy Hondas seem like cheap asses, but I think it makes us smart consumers. I bought a car that is going to last me for many years. Simple as that.

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:40:00 GMT

I'm beginning to learn that honesty in life can get you no where sometimes. Realizing that honesty can only make me second best, and I'll never be able to rise to become number one with honesty. It's sad that people have to cheat and be shifty in a damn card game to win. I play with the hand that is dealt to me, and I deal with it. I don't cheat. I don't have to. I feel I have enough skill as a player to be able to play the hand dealt to me, and attempt to make the best out of it. Spirit of the game is supposed to be one of the biggest things that makes the game. But when people act shifty and happen to be able to not have a single bad hand dealt to them...I don't know. I try and figure out how people are able to do this and not get caught. But maybe that's just me. I can't see it, so of course, I can't catch it and stop it. But others mention the shiftyness, and make me want to look for it.

2 Battle Roads over the weekend. 3rd place and 2nd place. Makes me conclude that I will never be better than 2nd. Every event I've made top cut....I get donked in top 2. No matter what.

I guess I miss the honesty I used to remember the game having. Certain players you have to watch, just because they can't get past the fact that "it's a game." Because there are prizes at stake, they have to make a huge stink over it. Perhaps more people should learn to play without cheating. The game would be better as a whole if that happened.

October Goals

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 04:20:12 GMT

It's a new month. And for me, that always means building a list of goals to follow and hopefully be able to accomplish. October's list looks a little something like this:

-Lose 10 pounds. I managed to lose 6 last month. And that was with a very minimal amount of change. I believe that just a little bit of work can get me to the 10 pound goal when I need to. I got a new metal DDR mat, and a USB cable, so I don't really have much of an excuse to not do this.

-Savings up to 600 dollars. I have 500 in there now. I've been pushing very hard on this one. I'm pushing for 1000 by graduation, so I think I'm very well off on this goal.

-Do well in psych. This class is much harder than I figured it would be, and it's really pushing me. I have a test Monday, and I'm hoping to do well on it. I've studied two of the four chapters already, so I'm about halfway done with that. I know I won't study much when I'm with Stephen, so I'm pushing to work when I can.

I should probably get to bed soon. I want a real night's sleep.